Right now, i am in my mom's office. Its 10am and i have to wait for another 2 hours before mak ndak (my aunty) come to fetch me. we will headed to university malaya where my uncle will graduate for his master. I am excited to go because i missed my sister graduation and soon my another sis's grad also. Since i study in makassar, there is no chance for me to really experience how graduation in malaysia is. I had seen many graduation in unhas and it seem lame and bored. Even the 'jubah' is aaaa.. The jubah is like dancer clothes and the 'topi' is pentagon in shape so its weird. If i got the pic, i will post up and surely u all will laugh to it. of course, mak asked me to wear mask. Right now, the total of people whos died coz of H1N1 is 32 in total. Quite a number. I dont really like wear it coz i feel suffocating. Off to go. I will right again.

written on 10 am, 11 august 2009

holidays!!

 

i love being in malaysia.

is too much for me to ask for a TRUE friend

 

is it too much for me???

i didnt need many. it is enough for me for ONE true friend. why? why everytime, i am the one who have to struggle to make friends? why? 

i am not say that i dont like my current friends but i need true friend...

the one friend that i had been close for past 6 months, doesnt really trust me... am i really that bad? am i?

thank you for her, now i been depressed.. i keep crying for a no reason now..

iam missing all my best friends in the past... the one i lost contact, the one who had change, the one who forget me...

iam being left alone by my best friends...

am i really that bad? is it too much for me to ask for a true and best friends who really can support me??

what a tough day!

 

im tired!

how i wish

 

how i wish zana study with me in makassar...

how i wish she still be my study partner...

i want someone who can support me to study... i am not a strong person.. since small, i got someone who encouraged and forced me to study... and i really need someone like them in here..

mad, annoyed, tension, depressed...

 

sound mad, right??

this is the feeling i have been keep all this time since i came here...

this is all related with my own roomate...

searching..

 

we are now searching for house... yesterday we went to a place called Ria (i think...) to see the house. we went with the house owner. the house is not done yet. after the look, we really did not satisfied with the condition of the house...

its so unlike HOME... for me, home is like home...

but this house is so open. actually this is another house that the owner built at the backyard of her own house rented by malaysian student.. she built the house with the limited 'tanah' which appear to be so ugly and unperfect. i mean, the room doesnt in the same size yet she want to charge each room for 5 million which sound crazy and the room seem so small.

the things that i really hate is the room. there is no windows at all... perharp this house is lack of windows. it is really obvious in Makassar that every building is lack of windows.. which is really bad for me... is it because of indon people like to peek on people inside the house so there is not much windows or indon doesnt like sunlight...

i really love sunlight and i love my current table where the sunlight can easily enter the room but mira doesnt really likes sunlight. so i just mengalah... when she is not at the room, i always do things that i like, such as open the window largely and play the music aloud. hehhehe... 

i just hope that we can get the just nice home... i dont want the big house... just nice house where we 7 peoples can fit in... insyallah...

i wonder...

 

i wonder why... i took medic... i been questioning myself million times since the first day of my life as medic student.. especially when i have to study in Indon... which i really hate to be in here...

another things that really made me think and wonder why i took medic is when i see all my friends pictures... my friends whos stdy in US, Japan, South Korea, Russia, Canada... i really want to go to where they went..

but i really envious wit those whos study in Japan and South Korea... sure, its been my dream to be there since a long time a go... i keep wondering why i took medic instead of engineering where i can go to japan or korea...

sometimes, i cried when i think about it...

the whole situation

i decided to write the whole situation that happen here... in the new world i live... my room + my class + my friends + .... the country....

after 5 month i stayed here...

• i wasted my money so much where other people can save it. i ate too much, i spend money on stupid things, i bought junk food too much.


• i have to endure the orientation version indonesia that took 2 months. it is what they called 'Pengkaderan'. It have 3 levels. first, it is SOLMATE. thats took 2 days that is during weekend after puase. then if we pass the 1st level, we have to go to 2nd level that is MPMB (Masa Pengkaderan Mahasiswa Baru) that tooks 3 continous weekends (thats mean 6 days) and if we pass, we have to go to the 3rd level, that is LK1 (Latihan Kader 1) where we have to stay outside of faculty for 2 days.. WE DONE THIS BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT FOR OUR GRADUATION AS IT HAVE 2 CREDIT HOUR... (as told by our senior)... so i will tell about it in detail what we done, what we learn and what is it all about...

stranded

when we lived away from our own country... we will talk bad about the country that we lived now especially when we went to the country that is left far behind from our own country... why is that happen? i wonder why... they have many weakness and we will compare with our own country. but why we try to see the good side of them and try to accept them...

everyday i found myself and my fwend talk bad about the country we live now and the people... but the reality is we have to live with them (the people) for 5 years... i dont know how to rid these feeling... and my mind keep telling me everything that they do is wrong... and i alway right!!! what my country done is right !!!

what does it mean, am I narrow minded...???

changing

why people change?

why am i change?

why must i change?

why i changed to new me that i doesn't like?

why i let myself change?